Coaching Up a Championship Culture

As coaches, we are tasked with the responsibility of impacting the lives of our players and everyone around us.  We are expected to have a positive influence on our players and give them the necessary tools to graduate in order to become great at whatever they do in life.  Coaching is not merely about wins and losses, nor is it about how many sprints we can make our players run.  Instead, coaching is a call to disciple and teach young men or women to be the best that they can possibly be.  The culture that we demonstrate through our words and actions will be the example in which our players will learn to live their lives.  There are three areas that are crucial in evolving a championship culture and we need to consider developing our culture each day. 

1. TRUST – This may be the most difficult character trait to cultivate within our programs.  With factors such as playing time, academics, athletic ability, relationships, etc., it almost takes a magician to establish trust among every member of our programs.  I’m sure everyone has heard the saying, “It takes years to build trust, but only seconds to lose it.”  I think that quote is fairly accurate and we need to take our relationships with our players very seriously.  We also need to make sure that our players are doing things that enable their teammates to trust them.  Kevin Eastman, Vice President of Basketball Operations for the Los Angeles Clippers, made a comment on an Entre Leadership podcast about establishing trust with his NBA players or else he would lose them for two weeks.  Trust needs to be a priority in our programs if we want to have a healthy and championship caliber culture.  Everything we do and say is under a microscope and we need to be aware of the affect our actions/words have on others.

2. RESPONSIBILITY – The ability to hold our players accountable is of the utmost importance, but it is even more important that our players hold each other accountable.  All of us have been irresponsible at some point in our lives and we need to communicate the significance that responsibility has on the overall success of our programs.  If we don't, our players will not learn how to be responsible.  So many young players struggle with responsibility not necessarily because they are lazy, but because they have never been taught how to get things done consistently and on time.  When our players fail to act responsibly we need to come alongside them and disciple them through the process and teach them how to do the right things.  Once we demonstrate how to be responsible and communicate expectations, our players begin to collectively hold each other to higher standards and the fruits of our efforts will begin to show.  When everyone takes care of their responsibilities it communicates and establishes trust.

3. SERVANT LEADERSHIP – Being a servant leader requires humility.  Humility is something that is demonstrated by placing the needs of others before my own.  It isn’t natural to be a servant and it isn’t natural to put others first, but when we make an effort to do the unnatural we see positive impact.  Obviously, as coaches we need to serve our players and lead them in a way that will help them become great men.  The hard part is teaching our players how to serve others and put others first.  Our examples of servant leadership may be the only example that they have ever seen in their lives.  We live in a generation where it’s all about “what can I get?”  If we allow that mindset of selfishness to infiltrate our program, we will never be successful.  Servant leaders are people who always care more about the guy next to him and constantly think of ways to help make them better.  When we decide to serve and help others we will begin to see success through our humble service.  Responsibility and trust are more easily cultivated when everyone in the group has the other person’s best interest at heart. 

Although there are many more characteristics and qualities that make up a great culture, I believe these three are a solid foundation.  A championship culture can only be realized when every member of the program decides to be a “Champion Today.”  They decide to do what they are supposed to be doing and be where they are supposed to be on a daily basis.  Once we start living these habits, we will see positive change within our culture that will eventually lead to success.  When we SERVE – we inspire others to take RESPONSIBILITY.  When we are RESPONSIBLE – we enable others TRUST.  When we TRUST – we desire to SERVE others.  The circle is endless and is a great foundation in coaching up a championship culture!

Eight Suggestions for Succeeding

If you are wanting to be a great leader and a great coach, the first book you should read is "Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court" by Coach John Wooden.  This was the first book that I read while in middle school that really ignited the passion for me to coach.  In it, there are so many valuable nuggets that represent wisdom and knowledge of not only basketball, but every aspect of life.  One of the lessons in the book is a list of his "Eight Suggestions for Succeeding" and it reads like this:

1. Fear no opponent. Respect every opponent.

2. Remember, it's the perfection of the smallest details that make big things happen.

3. Keep in mind that hustle makes up for many a mistake.

4. Be more interested in character than reputation.

5. Be quick, but don't hurry.

6. Understand that the harder you work, the more luck you will have.

7. Know that valid self-analysis is crucial for improvement.

8. Remember that there is no substitute for hard work and careful planning.  Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.


Buy this book here.

Follow @CoachWingreen on Twitter!

My Shoes, My Game, My Brand

GUEST BLOG

by Larry Hunt

These are all headlines [this past week] in various sports outlets – yahoo, etc.

What do they all have in common?

“Eric Bledsoe's crossover makes Clippers' Jared Cunningham jog off the court, toward the stands”

“Kyrie Irving goes between the legs for sweet assist to Kevin Love”

“Erik Lamela scores absurd rabona goal in Europa League match, invalidates all arguments against him”

“CP3's Sick Fake and Score”

All these headlines glorify an individual; all these headlines sensationalize a professional athlete doing something that is actually not uncommon at all. Why then the headlines?

Maybe words like marketing, branding, and self-centeredness come to mind – or something else that reflects the trend to accentuate self. Many elite players today are more enraptured with themselves and their brand than they are sacrificing individual glory for team success. For them it’s all about fame and fortune, all the while feigning humility and the “us” mentality.

Our players need to guard themselves from these “faux [role] models” who consistently prove over time that it’s really all about “me” rather than “us.” A saturation of this worldly, proud persona, especially through social media channels and online news outlets, will quickly skew a player’s perception toward emulating this behavior on the court. Our Bruins’ games should never be “performances”; rather, games should always be contests that require total team effort.

As a side note - there is room for creative, selfless play. Creativity properly used enhances the action required to deceive the opponent. The basketball court is one place in life where deception is allowed! But let’s not be unnatural or ostentatious in our creativity; the day that “playing to the crowd” supersedes “playing for my team” is the day that we regress to mediocrity at best.

Just some random thoughts . . . thanks for reading!

- Coach Larry Hunt, Assistant Men's Basketball Coach

The Final Four: More Than Meets The Eye

No person can even argue that March Madness is the most wonderful time of the year.  If you disagree with that statement - stop reading right now.  I'm only joking - KEEP READING!  I promise you that this will be worth your time.

As a basketball coach and someone that is a member of the National Association of Basketball Coaches (NABC), I have the privilege of attending the Final Four every year for their annual convention. Although this convention is intended for professional and personal development, the question that is most often asked to me is, "do you get to go to the games?!"  I understand that it is only natural for people to ask that question when they hear I will be at the Final Four, but I always count it a blessing when I get to inform them that there is more than meets the eye when it comes to the Final Four.

Despite the countless clinics, sessions, parties, dinners, and meetings that the NABC provides, there is also an emphasis on ministry with coaches.  Organizations such as Nations of Coaches, Athletes In Action, and Fellowship of Christian Athletes really do an outstanding job of providing coaches with the most important things that fit their needs.  Whether they know it or not, coaches need Jesus in their programs and they need biblical truths pumped through the hearts of their athletes.  These ministry groups spend countless hours mentoring and training people to help equip coaches with the necessary tools that will change their programs forever.  The sessions and panel discussions that are put on by these ministries are valuable resources for developing a biblical worldview in relation to coaching.

If you ever get a chance to come to a Final Four, or if you are a coach and have never heard of any of these events, I urge you to check them out sometime.  There's no greater experience than building relationships with other coaches that share the same heart beat as you.  They love basketball and everything that comes with it, but ultimately they love Jesus more and desire for their players to know Him.  Coaching is more than X's and O's and the time spent learning how to develop men of character will help make your program a TRUE success.

I am so thankful and appreciative of the people that have invested into my life as a young coach.  While some people view the Final Four as an opportunity to network, find a job, and party with their coaching buddies, I view it as an opportunity to grow in my walk with Jesus Christ and help develop me into a better husband and father.  No vocation influences as many lives as coaching does, and I am blessed to be a part of something that will impact lives forever through the game of basketball.

Some upcoming events to check out if you are in Dallas this weekend:

SATURDAY

FCA Coaches' Luncheon - 12:30 pm | Dallas Ballroom

It's Gametime! - 5:00 pm | Dallas Ballroom

SUNDAY

Coaches' Bible Study - 8:30 am | Press Club

Worship Service - 10:00 am | Dallas Ballroom

Building Relationships

Building relationships are crucial in any job, but they are extremely important in the realm of coaching.  Without true relationships between a coach/player, coach/AD, coach/media, or coach/administration, there will not be any trust. Relationships are built on the foundation of trust and that trust can only be built by loving and being committed to serve others.

As a young coach, I am learning more daily how to become a better leader and how to enhance my relationships with the people I surround myself with.  I like to believe that one of my strengths as a coach is my ability to genuinely love others and make them feel comfortable talking to me.  I'm not a talkative person by nature, but God has given me the unique ability to relate to people and gain their trust.  I look forward to the opportunities I am given to impact others simply by showing an interest in something they love.

Although many relationships are developed by servant leadership and displaying love towards someone, more relationships are maintained through tough love.  In my limited experience as a coach I have had to work with people in ways which they do not like.  College athletes, especially basketball players, do not typically like being told that they are wrong.  Many coaches will deal with an issue like this in one of two ways. 1) They will lash out at the player by yelling and insisting that they are right, or 2) They will give in to the player and let him do what he wants, even though the coach knows it will not make him a better person.  In my opinion, neither of those tactics is the wise way to handle players.  If we truly desire to build relationships with our players we must love them first.  We need to tell them things that they don't want to hear and love them enough to show them how they can make themselves a better player and person.

There are three simple acts that we must contribute to if we truly want to build successful relationships.  The three are:

1. Be Available - As a coach this could simply be having an open door policy for a player to come into your office and talk about life.  It could also be something such as offering a helping hand anytime they may need it.  Reach out to others and offer your talent/knowledge to make them better. (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:24; Ephesians 4:12)

2. Listen More - Sometimes as coaches we feel that we need to talk, talk, talk.  There are times when the best thing for our team is to just listen to our players.  Listen for tips to run a play better.  Ask them to give insight on team functions and core values.  Asking questions and listening to your players is such a powerful way to build trust and ultimately build lasting relationships. (James 1:19; Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 18:13)

3. Be Generous - Do something for someone without expecting anything in return.  Coaches and athletes alike tend to be very stubborn and selfish people, well at least if they are like me!  It is human nature to look out for yourself when really we should be looking to do something for another person.  Seek out opportunities to serve and make someone else's life better. (Acts 20:35; Matthew 6:21; 1 Corinthians 9:14)

"The heart of a coach - at least my heart - is the relationship you have with players." - Coach Dale Brown

"The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." - Theodore Roosevelt

The Five L's

I'm really looking forward to celebrating a Bruins win tonight for Valentine's Day!  In the meantime, I was finishing up a book today for the 3rd time by Gary Mack called "Mind Gym" and I wanted to share some quotes from the closing chapters.  I thought it would be a good read for today about the "Five L's" to success.

The Five L's

Love 

"The most important thing is to love your sport.  Never compete just to please someone else." - Peggy Fleming

"You've got to love what you're doing.  If you love it, you can overcome any handicap or the soreness or all the aches and pains."  - Gordie Howe

"Now that I'm out of the game I know how lucky and blessed I was to play the game that I loved." - Ozzie Smith

"The first thing I did before the start of every spring training was to fall in love with the players and the game all over again." - Jimmy Piersall

Labor

"Success is built upon dedication and hard work.  Take Larry Bird, he doesn't have the speed.  He doesn't have the height.  But he works and works, shoots and shoots...He sets inner goals for everything - for the week, for the month, for the season." - Red Auerbach

Learn

"By the time you learn how to the play the game, you can't play it anymore." - Frank Howard

"The left side of the scales is piled full of talent and the right side is piled with brains.  When you begin your career, it's full of the physical and almost void of the mental.  Then as you get further along...the balance shifts to the mental side as your physical abilities deteriorate and your mental capabilities accelerate.  The frustrating thing is, you can see your body aging right before your eyes, but you know so much more about the game and how to play it.  That's really the way I always felt, especially as I got past the middle of my career.  I felt I can't play forever but I'm learning more every day." - Dan Fouts

"Remember your mistakes and then forget them." - Lou Piniella

Laughter

"What does it take to be a success in business?  A sense of humor and a good bullpen." - Whitey Herzog

"Life is too important to take too seriously.  If you learn to laugh at yourself you will enjoy a lifetime of entertainment." - Gary Mack

Leave, or let go

"I know that I'm never as good or bad as any single performance.  I've never believed my critics or my worshipers, and I've always been able to leave the game at the arena." - Charles Barkley

"The trick is to realize that after giving your best, there's nothing more to give.  Win or lose the game is finished.  It's over.  It's time to forget and prepare for the next one.  Love the game, or your work, but don't be married to it." - Sparky Anderson

You can purchase "Mind Gym" by Gary Mack here.

*The previous quotes were taken from the book, "Mind Gym" by Gary Mack.

Land The Plane Safely - Part II

A couple years ago, Brendan Suhr gave us a list of his Top 10 Chuck "Dalyisms."  There were many great quotes on his list, but there was one that stuck out to me more than the others.  The quote by Coach Chuck Daly was,

"Coaching is like flying an airplane.  There is going to be a lot of turbulence, but your job is to land the plane safely."  

It's that time of the season again when teams are finding out who they really are.  When you look at teams this year like Kansas, Duke, and Arizona you see teams filled with young players that are beginning to mesh together and play their best basketball of the season.  On the other hand, you have teams like Oklahoma State that seem to be going further and further down the hill as days go by.  It is interesting to see the coaches of these teams handle success and failure in very different manners, but one thing is for sure: They all are beginning their descent towards the NCAA Tournament and their #1 goal is to "land the plane safely."

Last season (our first season with a basketball program) we finished with a record of 6-24, losing in the first round of our conference tournament.  Any time we could come out and compete last year was a victory!  This season is another chapter in our story.  Our team has had much success this year, but we have also faced adversity on many occasions.  As of today, we are 12-13 and have shown much improvement from last year, but we definitely are not satisfied with being a .500 team.  There have been many games this year that we should have won, but due to some adversity and friction within our team we were unable to pull out the W.  As a coaching staff we knew that our responsibility was to get us back onto the right track and put our guys in the best possible situation to succeed.  Our players have responded with amazing attitudes and have really bought in to what we are doing now!  They understand the importance of taking care of the "little things" both on and off the court.  With only five regular season games left before our conference tournament, our staff and players need to understand the importance of "landing the plane safely."  If we are unable to have a proper descent into the runway (positive momentum going into tournament time) then we will not be able to land the plane safely (make a run in the tournament).  Positive attitudes along with a lot of energy and effort will be the determining factor in the remainder of our flight!

You can click here to read a previous blog post that I wrote two years ago on this topic.

Coach Andrew Wingreen - @CoachWingreen

Coach Brendan Suhr - @brendansuhr

Running Down A Dream

Opportunities present themselves to us each and everyday.

But often we fail to cease them with everything we have.

They come and go as often as we blink our tempted eyes.

We many times forget that we’re running down a dream.

We lay in bed each day and night, just thinking to ourselves,

How sweet the future will be when we get to where we’re going.

People’s influence in our everyday lives is so very important,

They may have significant impact while we’re running down a dream.

Connections often are broken, but many times are a seekers best friend.

We need to be go-getters in this race that we run so swiftly,

Because if we only sit back and wait for wants to fall into our lap,

We will fail in every attempt of running down a dream.

Thinking to the future that lies so mysteriously ahead of us,

We often get views of things that we tell our mind it’s impossible.

But go out and pursue, and cease every moment of everyday,

And you will see that you are closer than you think to running down a dream.

For every door that closes, they say that another door always opens.

We need to believe that truth, and know that God will also open windows,

For multiple choices of hunting down that thrilling passion,

That will benefit in your endeavor of running down a dream.

Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with a well-known famous stranger,

For he or she is excited to share what they have learned in their life also.

They’ve traveled down the same paths that you are trudging this present day,

And they realize the desire in your heart of the same passion of running down a dream.

The journey that you set your feet on is going to be full of ups and it’s share of downs,

But always find the positives in every fault that opens up in your way.

Find a way around it, over it, or even better yet, through it,

And set your eyes straight forward on the ultimate goal of running down a dream.

Victory will taste so sweet when at the end of your path you reach the inn.

The triumph over the enemies and haters will feel so sensational.

Stay focused on the prize and keep the ever burning passion alive inside your soul,

And you will enjoy success in accomplishing the task of running down a dream!

@CoachWingreen

Core Values

Core values are essential in any group or organization and they play a crucial role in accomplishing the overall vision and mission.  Often times when you think of a successful company or team there are specific words that come to mind that portray that specific group.  Our men's basketball program at Bob Jones University has made the effort to promote certain core values to build our foundation upon.  Coach Neal Ring and our staff spent a lengthy amount of time praying and talking through these values and came up with a "wheel" that provides a visual illustration to our players of how we expect them to become successful.  There are three parts to this "wheel" and they are our mission, our core values, and our vision.  Everything we do begins with a single heartbeat, one that every member of our program must buy into in order to attain our overall vision. 

MISSION STATEMENT

Our mission statement is at the center of the "wheel" and it reads,

"Bruins' men's basketball exists to develop student athletes who glorify God and to prepare them to always LIVE CHRIST." 

 

We believe that no matter what we are trying to accomplish from a basketball perspective, it will have no effect unless we are doing it for a bigger purpose.  What is our bigger purpose?  It is to glorify God and live Christ.  If we are simply coming to the gym every day in hopes to win games and get the ladies we have missed our true calling.  Our purpose is so much greater that the excitement, the wins/losses, and the cool gear.  We want to be used of God to impact lives for eternity through the game of basketball.  This sounds well and good, but simply stating this is not enough.  We need to have a plan of action and that is found in our core values.

 

CORE VALUES

 

Our core values are the pieces of the puzzle that we must live out if we hope to accomplish our vision.  There are four main values that we stress to our program.

 

1. Passion - First and foremost we need to have a passion.  We need a passion for Jesus Christ and we need a passion for the game of basketball.  We need to be willing to put the required work into both of those aspects and be committed to growing consistently in them.  A passion for Jesus can be cultivated through reading his Word and seeking him in every area of your life.   When you read the Scriptures, God opens your heart to amazing things and ignites a passion to know Him.  You will be amazed how God can use you when you are actively and consistently searching for him!  A passion for basketball will be stirred when you see the fruits of your hard work.  Early mornings in the weight room, boot camp conditioning, and grueling workouts sometimes are difficult, but once you step on the court in front of thousands of screaming fans, it all becomes worth it!  Galatians 2:20

 

2. Integrity - We expect our members to be honest and trustworthy in every relationship they have.  These values need to be mutual and we will treat everyone the same way we wish to be treated.  It's the Golden Rule!  If you want to be treated well, then treat others well!  Most people do not like being lied to and they hate when someone doesn't follow through, so make sure to value everyone in all things.  The world says that the 'cool' thing to do is lie, cheat and steal, but that is totally opposite of what the Bible says.  Instead, God calls us to live a life saturated with high character.  We are born sinners and sin is a daily struggle, so please don't think it's easy to do the right thing.  But do know that with God's grace all things are possible and he will give you the strength and the desire to do what is honorable!  Luke 6:31; Philippians 4:8

 

3. Humility - Athletes are glorified in this world and sometimes they expect to be treated in such a way.  However, we have a platform to make an impact and we must display humility.  We do this by being selfless, having a grateful spirit, and acting out with servant-leadership.  When I was a camp coach at the University of Minnesota, Tubby Smith left a lasting impression of humility on me.  We were in the cafeteria when one of the campers spilled his food tray all over the floor.  From a distance I noticed all of the campers and coaches staring at this kid and some were even laughing and pointing at him.  Nobody stopped to help him.  What I didn't see was that Coach Smith had immediately gone to get paper towels and he was the first one to help.  He smiled at this kid and told him it was OK, got down on his hands and knees and began to clean up this camper's mess.  As a young coach I was in awe that a man such as Coach Smith would humble himself to serve others.  The same goes for Jesus.  He came to this world not to be served, but to serve others.  There are so many examples in the Bible about Jesus providing food, healing the sick, and just being there to share the gospel with anyone he possibly could.  He was always on the lookout to serve others and he called us to do the same.  True leadership is done through serving others.  Mark 10:45

 

4. Collective Responsibility - We are always holding each other accountable.  There is a mutual support among coaches, players, managers, and support staff.  There is no whining, complaining, and no making excuses.  The Bible says we sharpen each other just as iron sharpens iron.  A team is a powerful force and when every person is looking out for the best interest of the others, amazing things can happen.  We can cultivate this by holding players accountable for their class attendance, grades, and relationships.  If you see your teammate sleeping in class or texting during a lecture, call him out in a biblical way!  More importantly keep each other focused on reading the Word.  The most important thing we can do as a coach is to disciple our players and make sure they are doing what needs to be done to know God.  Teammates need to watch out for each other and make sure others are not doing something they shouldn't be doing such as drinking alcohol, being involved in a immoral relationship, or rebelling against authority.  When a team comes together and supports one another, there is no telling what they can accomplish!  We want our players to graduate and become godly husbands and fathers, not just good basketball players.  Proverbs 27:17

 

When these four values are lived out on a daily basis, success becomes a bi-product of the process.  If we can live out these values each and every day, we believe that they will ultimately allow us to carry out our overall vision.

 

VISION STATEMENT

 

Our vision statement is our end goal.  It is where we want to be what we want to accomplish.  We can do this by carrying out our core values and staying focused on our mission.  Our vision statement reads,

 

"We view basketball as a potent platform for ministry in this present age.  To maximize this platform, we must prepare to compete against each opponent to earn their respect; with this respect we earn the opportunity for testimony of Christ."

 

God calls us to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ and to disciple others to become more like him and do the same.  Basketball is only a tool that God has given us to carry out the great commission (Matthew 28:16-20).  As a program, we want others to come to know Jesus Christ and seek to glorify him.  Of course we want to compete at the highest levels and win championships, but ultimately we are only doing that so that Jesus Christ will become famous!  Here is a look at what our "wheel" looks like:

 

 

Follow the BJU Bruins Men's Basketball team at the following:

 

Twitter - @BJUBruins

Instagram - @BJUBruins

Facebook - Bob Jones University Bruins

Online - www.BJUBruins.com

 

 

 

 



 

S.M.A.R.T.E.R. Goals in 2012

As the New Year rolls in, the number of people setting goals and resolutions is overwhelming.  Statistics show that 92% of the population that sets goals for the new year will ultimately fail.  This occurs because so many people aren't specific in their goal setting.  They make lists and put a lot of thought into it, but they really aren't ready for the task.  I see so many people just say they want to do "more."  I want to exercise "more", read "more", spend "more" time with my family, or do "more."  What does more mean?  I think that is most likely the number one reason why only 8% of goal setters reach their goals (and I honestly think that 8% is a little high).  Here is an acronym that I believe is essential in reaching your goals.  I have applied this to many areas of my life and I find that is beneficial in accomplishing things that I set out to do.  We have to set S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goals:

S: Specific.  Give yourself details about your goals.  Your focus level will rise if it has specific details.
M: Measurable.  Instead of just doing "more", give yourself a number.  Try to read 30 pages per day or exercise 20 minutes a day doing 50 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and a 1 mile run.
A: Attainable.  Break your long term goals down into a lot of smaller goals that you can reach on a short term.
R: Relevant.  Make sure that the goals you are setting will benefit you in everything you do.
T: Trackable.  Stay organized.  Make checklists and keep track of all your successes and failures along the way. 
E: Extra Effort.  Some days you will not feel like taking those steps towards your goal.  Do it anyways.  Always give a little more, it will go a long ways.
R: Revise & Review.  Constantly be checking to make sure you are heading in the right direction and you are taking the right steps in pursuit of your goals.  

I firmly believe that setting SMARTER goals will enable us to accomplish a lot more and keep us focused on the task at hand to reach our goals.  Have a Happy New Year and God bless in 2012!


S.M.A.R.T.E.R acronym taken from the book, The Strange Secret of the Big Time by Frosty Westering, 2005.

Control Freak

If you have ever been in a leadership role and been dubbed the name of "control freak," you know that is not a good thing.  The definition in the picture to the left sums it up perfectly.  Control freaks live by the saying, "If I don't control the world, the world will control me."  Obviously, it is crucial to be in control of your life and know the One who is in control of your life, but it becomes detrimental when you begin to try and control the lives of everyone that you come in contact with.  Relationships are damaged, families are torn apart, and people are driven crazy by you.  The worst part of all of this is while a control freak is so focused on others and what they are doing, they are undermining their own life, dreams and successes.  To avoid the name tag of "Control Freak,"  make sure that you are focused on the things that you CAN control.  When you focus on the things you can control, you will find that your dreams will become reality and you will accomplish more.  Reinhold Niebuhr, a theologian, published a prayer many years ago about allowing a sovereign God to rule our lives.  The prayer goes as follows:

God, grand me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Allow yourself to ponder on that prayer daily and let God grant you the wisdom to control the things you can control.  Take it upon yourself to seek out the things of God and avoid becoming a "control freak."